By Cathy W. Madden

During Capt. Shawn C. Madden’s Deployment to Desert Storm/Norway

Two months ago my husband was a simple schoolteacher and I a simple bank employee. Along came Desert Storm and he is called up to proudly answer his country’s call and I the adoring spouse stand back with handkerchief and tears to send him off to Jacksonville, N.C. My husband is a Captain in the United states Marine Corps. I am a 36 year old wife, mother and secretary by day, and now sole commander and chief by night of our 2,500 square footage that the mortgage company graciously allows us to call home.

Never in a million years do I pretend to minimize the agony that our spouses of the brave military personnel that actually are s-erving in–combat face. I can only write- about the experiences I encounter. We do have the luxury of knowing our husbands (and wives) are safe and to me that is a major plus, yet we still must face the decision making alone, the children alone and the nights alone. My children seem to be taking their father’s absence with little strain after all in today’s busy world children see very little of the “bread winner” as it is. We come in from school, have dinner, baths and bedtime. Didn’t USA Today quote a survey that said working parents if lucky give their children 22 minutes of quality time a day. But most children don’t have a “super dad”  and mine do. He provides a strong presence, security, and above all paternal love that goes unspoken.

But, the separation takes a lot out of the remaining spouse, no one to help break up the day to day routine, that you alone as the remaining spouse must face and no one to talk to on an adult level, no one to take over when you are tired, and no one to help with the loneliness of being the one in charge. You are the good guy and the bad all rolled up into one. My daughter tried to catch me in a weak moment and challenged a recent decision with “Daddy would let me go” and “I wish daddy were here”. And with steely determination I held my ground but over the months my ground is getting shaky. Late the other day I had just finished cleaning three bathrooms and reorganizing our daughter’s room when he called! I run to the phone pulling off the rubber gloves and try to sound upbeat and cheerful all the time smelling like pine cleaner. This is hard, I have to carry the entire responsibilities of the home and hearth and yet I must give him uplifting and happy phone conversations that allow him to go back to his bunk contented. I have no control over when I hear from him. The ability to call home isn’t even his, he has to rely on the time schedule of training and the line outside the pay phone.

Sour grapes you say, well maybe but we who were left behind have to change our train of thought and think in terms of one not two. Shawn and I were active duty for twelve years, he spent eight years in the active reserves before Desert storm and when the activation came all my old ways and feelings had to be taken from storage and dusted off, could I go back to the days when this was our way of life? I have never considered myself a dependent woman in the terms that all resolves around the man, I believe in my soul that a military wife must be independent or the military way of life will be intolerable. I am a survivor. I deeply believe happiness is a choice. I love my husband and support him with my life. I am very proud of him for answering his country’s call without even a whimper of the inconvenience it may cause.

God will help us over the hills and valleys.